Saturday, June 8, 2019

When the Ladder Has No Rungs


The water is muddy
and prayers make no sound.
Dying feels easy when
the world is saying drown.

Oh, where is mercy?
Where are dreams
when blaming owns tongues?
Too little is too late
when the ladder has no rungs.

It’s hard treading muddy water
with a sin tag on your shoulder.
Dying feels easy when
the world is saying drown.

©Susie Clevenger 2019


Today I had a conversation with a young woman on a Facebook comment. I didn't know her, but she responded to my comment about being a recovering Southern Baptist. Her words broke my heart. 

These are her words:  "I was on the wrong side of being Southern Baptist. They don't take too kindly to us gays, lol. But for real, growing up gay in a Southern Baptist church was traumatic.
I STILL consider suicide because I'm gay thanks to the shit my family says to me. Thanks to the shit "Christians" say to me. I LEGIT want to die because I'm gay. It's super lonely when you love people and a God that DON'T love you back." 

I told her I cared, because I do. You would have to be heartless to not feel the pain in her words. She will always have a place in my heart.

13 comments:

  1. Dying feels easy when
    the world is saying drown.

    This is so very lyrical, and certainly a song for the present times.

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  2. Thank goodness dying isn't as easy as it seems. I guess, so far I haven't seriously tried though I've thought. A super close friend tried, I took her to the ER. The vets can make a dog puke super fast, with a shot or a pill, I can't remember. But a human pumping ones stomach is their horrid way of getting revenge for attempting and to "teach a lesson." My opinion.
    I'm very sorry for your friend. I wish I could help her, church should be a haven for her, I believe ours would be. There are bigots all around though, being hateful seems to consume them.
    ..

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  3. Susie, this poem is absolutely perfect and that first stanza is simply amazing... Yes, I'd like to hear this one sung for sure. The poem is broad and stands on its own. I'm glad to read your notes and really feel for the woman you met. Why are people like this? So full of judgment when they should focus on making their own lives right with their god. Anyway just wanted to say that as wrenching as that is, the words you've put together have a universal power that I think would resonate for very many today.

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  4. That first stanza has mighty powerful stuff. Thanks for posting!

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  5. Maybe that choice is what it comes down to...
    Your poem reminds me of the lyrics to "Suicide is painless"...

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  6. It is too easy to die, to sink beneath those waves. I lost two friends to suicide on the same day last year. In one case it was death by evilgelicals, the other...mystery

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  7. "Too little is too late, when the ladder has no rungs." WOW! Fantastic writing, Susie!

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  8. The world is saying drown to too many folks. Thank goodness for the ones cheering "Swim!" and who offer life rafts in the storm. Heart breaker of a piece.

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  9. Fabulous poem, and killer ending, Susie!

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  10. A beautiful lament ... can hear it sung.

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  11. Your poem speaks a truth so difficult: it's not that we can't move, it's that there is no way to go (when it comes to certain places and people and beliefs). The last sentence of that lady's words hurt so much.

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  12. Powerful poem and the afterwards notes. Truly heartbreaking - I hope you made a difference.

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