Paper Doll Child

I grew up a paper doll child,

something to dress in hand me downs,

and ignore if my tears got too loud.

Nobody noticed they were planting rebellion,

tilling insomnia, or trying to put me in boxes

too small for my imagination to breathe.

There wasn’t anything vague about being ignored,

no excuses of being too busy, just a front door

that pushed me out to seek solace in wild things

that grew outside windows that winked with dust. 

It was tough trying to balance secrets and threats

when my ears rang with a voice whispering,

“It will always be your fault.”

©Susie Clevenger 2024

Word Garden Word List ~ Let the Right One In

I actually wrote two poem for Shay's Word Garden Word List.

The second one is from my Twila Series on my blog Susie's Sentences.

Aunt Tita

 

Why Can't I Just be Feral

There’s nothing worth claiming

in this sterile cottage of beds

where mirrors watch and secrets

are only as safe as the whispers that hide them.

It is not popular to be called insane

even though it is a plague that stalks

every mind, and torments the brain

with visions the tongue won’t describe. 

I came for help, a map that had little green trees

marking the path back to sanity, or that is what

I envisioned therapy would provide.

You don’t stroll through nightmares

or talk your way out of hell where

every thought is bolted to a rusty lock

that has long lost its key.

White coats with needle hands

stab me into faux relaxed long enough

to tighten the leather to keep me

from flying the coup of metal ribs.

One chases famous only to wish

it would leave you the hell alone.

I’ve honeymooned with every tabloid it seems,

although I wasn’t asked if I wished 

to be married to their distortions. 

Oh, why can’t I just be feral?

After all isn’t that what feeds

the top spot in the headlines.

I suppose someone will want to publish

my memoirs, collect all those inky journals,

to expose the only prayer I ever wrote

was a plea for the window ledge

to be wide enough to hold both feet.

©Susie Clevenger 2024

Word Garden Word List ~ Gracefully Insane

 

The Dark Mess of Hoping

 I’m breathing in blank spaces,

the chilly calm where words

hang in icicle spikes waiting

on faith to perform a ceremony of trust

you are what your kiss spoke on my lips.

Fragile stalks me as if I should accept

its curse, become a fainting, messy chapter

in a romance novel I would cringe at reading.

I am more attuned to dark magic than

a simpering, palpitating heart weak

wish for a golden wand to slap you

into what I want you to feel for me.

This sleeping bus of weirdest emotions

is the silly, severe heart crashing I’ve

never imagined I’d be trapped in.

Stop laughing at me as if I were a guppy

swimming in a fish tank waiting for attention

(even though I am), and tell me whether

the fruit of this moment will bring blessing

or rot on my memory until I grow nothing but bitter.  

©Susie Clevenger 2024

Word Garden Word List ~ Night Road